INDULGING CANTANKEROUS FRANK

From Our Mediaevel archive:- After a lifetime of uncertificated, freelance fornication, covetousness, and general sinning, all the "irredeemably" damned have to do is purchase one of our wide range of bone- fide, get-out-of-hell-free indulgence certificates - from one of our many splendidly outfitted and divinely sanctioned outlets, and everything's immediately fandabbydozy. Mass-murderer? Torturer? Serial Parking Offender? God can't touch you for it. It's watertight, honest. Endowment mortgages also available.